Hiding

    I'm sure we all know what it's like to hide. To hide your real self, hide what you want to say...and how you feel. Hiding from the world. It's hard to be yourself in a world full of others that want you to be just like them. It's hard to be yourself in a world full of people who mock others for individuality. Its just hard.
    It's hard being the "weird kid". It's hard being the one that's able to stand out and not care. But me? I've made that choice. I want to stand out and say what I want and what I feel is right. I want to stand up when I know what I believe in. But that doesn't mean I don't struggle, Doesn't mean it's still not hard. 
    You know those masks the superheroes wear? Like the ones from "The Incredibles"? Why do they wear them? To hide their identities, they don't want everyone to know who they really are. We all wear one just like that. We all put on a fake mask and walk around with it, pretending to be something we all know we're not. We're all fake.
    I'm not saying this to be rude, or to make anyone feel bad about themselves, but it's the truth. Take a good look at yourself right now: how many times have you wanted to stand up for what you believe in, but didn't because you were too afraid? How many times have you wanted to say what you feel, but couldn't, because of the fear people wouldn't accept you? If you're being honest with yourself, you're thinking "one too many times".
    I'm taking a good look at myself right now. Sure, I dress how I want and don't care what anyone has to say about it, But hey, I never speak what's on my mind. I barely speak at all to people I'm not close to, And why? Because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid people won't take me as I am, and I'll be an outcast. I. Am. Afraid.
    I'm like every other human being on this Earth. I have fears, I have flaws....But I've come to realize, I'm not afraid to admit to them. If I don't control them, they will soon control me. And I'm not going to let that happen.
   The point of this post is to tell people: It's okay to be afraid, but don't let your fears get in the way of doing what you want to do like I am. If you're afraid to speak out, don't choose to just be silent like me, choose to speak. We are all on this Earth for a purpose, and if we don't try, we'll never find out what that purpose is.
    If you'd like to talk more on this, or anything else, you can reach me at: jaydesaysrawrr@hotmail.com
   Remember: I love you, every single one of you, and I'm a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on if you need it. Thanks for reading.       

When Is It My Time To Shine?

  Hmm. I bet there are so many other people who feel exactly as the title says. I've sure been feeling that way lately. It just seems like I'm 2 steps in back of everyone else. Like everyone is out there having fun, and just living life to it's fullest. I know I've definitely had my share of problems with being afraid to really get out there and have fun for a change.
    Then, out of nowhere, I came across this quote: 
    "Just because today was a terrible day doesn't mean tomorrow won't be the best day of your entire life, you just have to wake up and get there." -Pete Wentz
   Some people here are probably thinking "Yeah, right. Because I'm going to wake up tomorrow and all my problems are going to be magically gone. Sure." But that's not it. We just have to have hope and keep pushing on that tomorrow we could wake up, and it's just going to be amazing. We all have our time to shine, maybe it's tomorrow, maybe it's in a week, maybe it's not even until you're 50 years old! But it'll come eventually, just you wait and see.
    I know what it feels like to feel like you're not going to fit in, to try and hide yourself because you're afraid of being rejected, but that's okay. God tells us to be different, to not give in to the conformist ways of this world. The song "Anti Conformity" By. Krystel Meyers really explains that, and it has a catchy beat :] Look it up sometime. 
    To wrap this all up, I just wanted to explain that no matter how bad your week is going, or maybe even month is going, just keep waiting for your moment. Because in that moment, God will give you your time to shine, and you're going to Rock It! :] 

    

Invincibility

" And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us? And if our God is with us, then what could stand against?"
Ahh....I don't know about you, but those lyrics make me feel invincible. I've been having the worst self esteem issues, and last night at youth, I heard those words and I felt like I was capable of doing anything I desired.
    It always seems like when I'm at my highest point in confidence, when my anxiety is under control, stupid Satan comes and brings drama or pain and makes everything even lower than when it began. I'm happy for once in a long while, I'm laughing with my friends, then one day, I wake up, and look in the mirror, and I feel ugly, worthless, hatred to myself than I had ever before. Then I went to youth last night, feeling completely terrible, and God just makes me feel like I'm worth something again.
    I've had these issues with anxiety and esteem for a while, but when I started high school it got ten times worse. I always feel like everyone is looking at me, like their talking bad things about me, And I know I'm just over thinking it, but I can't help it. It just amazes me how one morning I'm crying and that very night I'm on top of the world.
    I realized through all of this though....and through watching the movie "Fireproof" (Which I have to say, was amazing), That I am fireproof myself, fire will come, but with God by my side I'm not going to get burned, And that amazes me in a million different ways. 
    The whole point in this post is because I feel like there's so many other girls out there, struggling with the things I'm going through too. I just want to let them all know, even though I don't feel beautiful myself most of the time, It doesn't matter what you look like, what outfit you're wearing to school, how your hair looks 24/7. God is going to judge you by what's in your heart and nothing more. So stand by Him no matter what, and He promises he'll reward you in the end.
    Thank you so much to everyone who reads and follows my blog, I really enjoy writing and it's amazing to be able to share what God is doing in my life, and I love you all :]
Stay strong, get through it, It'll all be okay in the end<3    

Bed of Roses

Take a minute to really look at that picture. What do you think when you see it? When I look at it, I feel happiness. I smile and it makes me think of good times. That's my best friend Hannah and I on my first night back from Philadelphia. 
     I am truly blessed with such an amazing friend like her. I finally found someone who understands me and someone who is not going to leave me for stupid reasons, like most people usually do. Someone who really likes me for who I am and nothing more.
    I feel like when people see pictures like that, they think this: Oh, So if you're a Christian and you believe in God, everything in my life will immediately get better. No. Not at all. People have it all wrong. First off, we're merely human. We ALL make mistakes, we ALL make wrong choices, We ALL have our up and down days.
     Second, Being a Christian doesn't mean you're going to be all happy and everything in your life is going to be perfect 24/7, It just means you're choosing to follow God and give all your heart to Him. This is how I imagine it: There's a regular wire gate, on the left, there's darkness. The floor is cracking, and it looks terrible, but all your friends are there waiting for you, calling you over. On the other side, there's a bright blue sky and emerald green grass and warmth, but nobody is there waiting for you. You HAVE to pick a side, you can't go back, and you can't go in-between.
    Which side would you choose? Of course, most of you would say "The side with all my friends!" Wrong. Trust me, I once chose to go on that side, but you have to think, if I had gone on the other side, just looked a little beyond not being able to go to my friends, God would be there waiting for me, And he is. And why am I telling you all of this? Because right at this very moment, right as I'm typing, people are dying and going to Hell. Hell is just as real as Heaven is. 
     I think we all forget how real Hell is. Just think, every step you take, everywhere you go, people are dying and suffering. Don't you want to do something about it? To sum this up, Christianity is NOT a bed of roses, it's not easy at all, being different. It's just worth it.   

Go Left

    You know those days when nothing seems to go right? And it seems no matter how much fun you had, at the end of the day it doesn't even matter anymore. I had one of those days today. By the end of the day, I wanted to cry. It was my first beach trip with my youth group, and I had so much fun, but then I only focused on the bad things that happened. 
    I realized once I got home, why should I focus on that? I had so many more good times today than I have in a long while, then 10 minutes later, I get a bible verse sent to my phone (I get 2 a day) and it said this:
    "He will wipe away every tear from them. Every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; neither will there be mourning" John 21:4. 
    How awesome is that?! Right when I feel like I hate myself and I just want to give up on everything, Right when I'm feeling worthless and stupid, I read that. It reminded me none of it matters! We all have our ups and downs, but why focus on the downs in the first place? I know it's hard not to. Nothing going right. But when nothing goes right, Go Left :]  

Opening Up

    So, tonight was probably the best youth service since I've been there. Pastor Cody went up and preached on how worship should be. I mean, I almost always sing, but I never really got into the whole thing. He said that even if it meant standing when everyone is on their knees, or vice versa, God would honor you for it. It made me realize that if there's something that makes me feel uncomfortable, or something that makes me feel like people are staring at me, I'm giving it my all.
    So, instead of standing to the back and clapping silently, I got up there and worshiped, not because everyone else was doing it, but because I wanted to. I sang loud enough I could hear myself over the music, I raised my hands because I wanted to, and I stood when everyone else was on their knees.
     It's probably the best feeling in the world to completely praise God and not care what anyone thinks of you. And truthfully, I wasn't even excited for youth in the first place. I came thinking: "okay, this is just going to be like any other service. I'm going to sit in the back the whole time because I don't fit in." It wasn't though! Not at all!
     I got up in front of everyone, And said what God did in my life at Philly, I made people laugh! I had people cheering me on! I realized, what does it matter what I look like without a gallon of makeup? What does it matter if people stare at me? It was just amazing to really know God has had my back the entire time, and I just wanted to share that with you all :]  

Encouragment

I don't know why, but today I've been feeling a little down. I guess it's just one of those days when I don't really feel like there's anything to be excited or happy about, or when I feel like everything's going wrong when it's not.... so I looked up "bible verse of the day" on google, and one caught my eye:
            "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6
    I don't know about you, but this verse made me feel a million times better. Even when things are going wrong, even when everything is falling apart, he's never going to leave. His love for you never changes, He always stays the same. It just made me think of how lucky I am to have a God who loves me that much.
    I just wanted to share this, for people who feel like they don't have anyone who truly loves them, for anyone who has people who has left them, just remember, God never will. He'll always stick by your side and help you through it. Anyways, He didn't say it would be easy, He just said He'd be by your side no matter what.