This is a subject that's kind of hard for me to talk about. But I'm going to. For a while now, I've struggled with appearance issues. My hair never looked right, or I would have too much acne on my face. But I couldn't really help those things. But there was one thing I could help: My WEIGHT.
I've never felt skinny enough. I'm always comparing myself to other people. Acne, frizzy hair, I couldn't really do anything about that. But maybe if I ate less, I could drop a few pounds. Maybe then I would be happy with myself.
I still wasn't though. So maybe the only way to lose weight was to not eat at all. Right? So I didn't eat. for 4 days. And then I was in English class. I remember I was really uncomfortable. I couldn't sit still. And then everything was spinning.
And I woke up on the floor of the classroom with people all huddled around me. I remember my Mom coming to get me. And taking me to the emergency room. And my Dad showing up.
And I remember even after that was all over.... Still not wanting to eat. And Im still struggling with it. But I've come to the conclusion that even if I was 98 pounds, then maybe I'd want to be 96. and then 94. No matter how skinny I get I'm always going to want to be skinnier. There's always going to be somebody out there who's prettier. Who has nicer skin.
And so I'm trying to learn to be happier with myself. I think I'm getting better, too. I still hate my appearance, but I'm learning to not put myself down as much. To not worry about it. To not constantly be worried about how others might see me, so I can eventually learn to love myself.
And I guess that's all I really had to say.
